"Well, when I'm staring at you, closing my eyes feels like a sin."

"Even bad pie is good pie."

"I think all pie is bad pie."

"You don't like pie?"

"You're an asshole."

Guest Quote

"Sometimes I say things out loud and I want to push the up button but there is no up button."

"I'm so proud of myself for being an idiot. Why don't you quote that, dickweed?"

"Actually, I am."

"Do you know all the lyrics to this song, Alex?"

"I do. Wahn wahn, er er er er er er er er er, wooooahn.... That about covers it."

"Making fun of you is liking shooting a gimpy fish in a barrel."

"More like shooting a Magikarp in a barrel. Soon I'll hit level 20, turn into fucking Gyrados and start kicking ass."

"I'm telling you: More unreal shit happens at Walmart after dark than anywhere else. It's like a fucking magical kingdom."